She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
