It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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