is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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