Someone shit on the floor
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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