Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
