I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
