There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
