Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
