what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
