my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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