last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
