i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
