You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
