I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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