Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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