apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
