i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
