I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's official drugs can't kill me
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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