she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
