i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
