Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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