im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
