im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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