i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
