Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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