Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
