You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
even my farts smell like vagina
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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