No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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