Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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