I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
