Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
