adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
