Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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