i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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