I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
