you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
