I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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