Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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