no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
A bitchslap is in order.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
