I look better un-naked...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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