i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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