I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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