just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
