Swine flu. Run for my life!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
