good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You are the jesus of drinking
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
