He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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