Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
