my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
