so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
