If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
