look no pants
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
