sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
