I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
